To My Children

Although we don't meet, I am with you always.
The courts can build a wall between us and just waste bricks.
Your mother can tell you all the lies that she can invent.
Your caretakers can slander a man they have never met.
None of them can separate us, no matter what they do.

You know when to listen, when you hear truth
But you also know when to ignore people who lie.
Although you are children, you are now adults who
Must raise the wayward children who call themselves adults
And try your best to keep them in line while they try
To destroy your lives and take away your future.

The day of reckoning will come, and because you are mine,
You will come to me to ask me to help you take revenge
And I will help you every step of the way with joy.
They can waste years of your life, but you can sue them then
And all they can do at that point is run for dear life
And I will tell you to show them no mercy
As they showed you none.

You know I did my best, but the one with the vagina wins
And I will not give up what nature gave me at birth
That defined me as a man who would become your father
To win the fleeting graces of a wicked family court
That King Solomon would have justly denounced and cursed
As wickedness in the place of justice under the sun.

Copyright © 2004

To My Ex-Wife

Years have changed nothing between us.
I still love the woman I met.
I still hate the woman I left.
I remember the good, I remember the bad.
You star throughout in both of them,
A celebrity with an audience of one
Whom you have lost forever.

The truth is out there, but it doesn't matter.
I won't argue the point nor ask you out again.
I only want you to know that your greatest fan
Is now your greatest adversary by far.
I can tell the world of your tragic flaw:
Your cooking.

If I survived that, I may well live forever.

Copyright © 2004

Note: I wrote this poem as a joke and submitted it to the International Library of Poetry's Open Poetry Contest for 2004 -- and it won the Editor's Choice Award for 2005!